9.29.18

9.29.18

  Today I was able to talk to the teacher who I had an issue with and she was able to teach me. Her teaching methods aren't the easiest for me to understand but I do feel that today we were able to break some tension between us. She understands now that I have been exposed to many languages and because of that, it is not easy for me to learn.

  From my experience here, I can safely say that language learning IS NOT one of the easier subjects for me to pick up on. The more I learn the languages here, the more inaccurate my spelling in English becomes.

  I'm having to read over the English language so I can teach it properly. If anything, by the time I leave here I can have a basic teaching plan for English. My main issue right now with my language learning is that I have notes EVERYWHERE. I write on what I have at the time and I'm learning from different people. I have friends who are willing to teach me, I have 3 teachers teaching me the languages now.

  Out of all the languages, I'm the most accurate in Ilokano. By the end of this semester, if I pass everything, I will ask the Dean if I will be allowed to be in a Filipino and Ilokano class for the next semester. Or, I will request that I continue to have tutoring classes.

  By the time I reach my third year I will need to be able to teach Filipino. Here, a General Education degree will allow me to teach up to 6th grade (Grade 6). I'll probably specify somewhere between Kinder and 3rd. In 4th they begin to teach English and I would rather use my English the least amount possible.

  I don't know if the teacher will allow it when I start my practice teaching but I'll always translate myself in English. That way, the children are exposed to English, even if they're not using it.

  Right now, I'm uploading videos via Bluetooth because my phone refuses to pick up on my phone even though it's charging it... I need to buy Microsoft. My computer has the apps but they won't work unless I have a subscription. Microsoft is the same price here as it is in America. I was told that there are other places to get it installed but I haven't found it yet.

  There is a lot of work that needs to be done in my apartment. The maintained people are working on our bathroom at the moment. The ceiling anyways. The landlord said that they would fix something every Sunday. Today I came home to them fixing the bathroom.

  It makes me happy that they're willing to fix everything in this apartment. The way things are done here are completely different from home. I also find it amusing that one of the guys is wearing a 'Hertz' shirt from the company back home. There isn't a 'Hertz' here but whoever sent that used to work for the company. I always find it funny when I see people wearing work shirts form the US.

  What I would really like right now is to be able to sleep but I don't think I'll be able to with the construction. Plus, I need to finish uploading all these videos. It's only 4pm but I feel very tired. On Friday, I went to the University clinic to get a checkup and the clinic gave me medicine for free. I feel bad because I would rather the free medicine go to someone who cannot afford it but I had been sick for a whole week before I went to them.

  The doctors were upset because I waited a week. But I told them that usually my sinus goes away after three to five days and I don't normally feel fatigue. Since I had been through the symptoms before I didn't want to trouble them. But after a week I didn't know how much more I could take. This sinus infection is worse than I thought. I'm just glad Dimer hasn't shown any signs of what I have because if he did, I don't know if I would have the patience to deal with him. (lol).

  What is due this coming week? By Monday, I'm supposed to learn how to dance to the song 'Hand Clap by Fitz and The Tantrums. We have a skit to perform. (I don't have a huge role). In one of my classes, the group I'm in needs to create a song that expresses the stages of human development. We have a photo essay (?) from what my friend said, it's a representing word with pictures.

  Elementary teachers are expected to be the most creative people. Art is a language I can speak. But actual languages and speaking them isn't as easy for me. If anything, if I had a choice, I'd learn Ilokano first but Filipino is a class of mine so I need to be able to pass that.

  Due to the artsy assignments I'm having to deal with, I'm having to reinvest in my art supplies. I'm thinking of getting a chest to keep my art supplies in. However, I know that many people will be asking me for my supplies so I'm going to be insecure and make them pay P5 to borrow it if I'm around. I'll keep most of my items are my apartment because I'm already having to carry around a lot of things as is. I'm thinking that I'll need a Tuesday/Thursday bag and a Monday/Wednesday/Friday bag. I'll also need a Saturday bag. I don't want to do that because I'll probably lose something but it seems that it'll be the easiest option.

  The maintenance is done with the ceiling but I think they realized that the toilet is also messed up so that's a fun discovery. I need to buy more cleaning supplies and a place to put the cleaning supplies because somehow everything always ends up on the floor of the bathroom and I find that disgusting.

  Overall, I really like it here in the Philippines. Yes, my skin has its issues adjusting but I'm probably the healthiest I've been in a long time. (Excluding these past two weeks because of this Sinus Infection). Take out the time I got a Staph Infection as well lol. I've been drinking a lot of coconut juice since I've moved to Vigan. I want to get gifts for people but if I get a gift for one person, I'm expected to get a gift for everyone.

  Christmas music starts in September in this country. I call that treason. But I don't go out to the places that play a lot of Christmas music so I'm not worried about it. The maintained have finished their project for this week. The toilet still needs to be fixed. There's another part of the ceiling that needs to be fixed. They insist of painting the whole room.

  I have 43 files to upload through Bluetooth so I'm probably going to take a nap and hope that when I wake up, the files will be where they need to be. Even if I don't get a grade for this project, I still found it fun.

  To Vlog about the culture of the Philippines. If I had better connection I would do videos. However, videos are not the easiest for me to keep up with. Maybe one day, I'll present videos on my blog. But for now, I'll show you all the project whenever it is finished.

  I really need to upload more photos onto the blog. I have been taking less pictures due to school. But I have saving my friends' and classmates' pictures instead. I'm thinking about doing a college or two out of the photos I have. I'm sure they'll like that.

  Well, there's twenty paragraphs for you. I'll upload this and hopefully, it will keep you occupied. Thank you all for tuning in. Message me on Facebook, tag me in silly post, message me on Instagram, add me on my Wattpad. However, you want to communicate with me. I will try my best to answer!

Till next time,

DJ/Cho/Shinar

10.21.18

Hey everyone, 

  I found a few minutes to update you guys so here it goes. For starters… My phone is messed up. It keeps resetting itself. I think I’ll go buy another battery but I don’t know. We’ll have to see. Luckily I have an extra phone because I need to know the time and be able to get a hold of my classmates. I hate having to depend so much on technology in this country but it’s a must. 

  What I’ve been doing is posting on my Wattpad. I know that many of you don’t have one but I would like to leave the links here so that if you have time you can read on what I’ve been posting there. Most of it will be poems because poems are good ways to put more meaning into less words but that also makes it not as easy to understand. 

  I miss everyone. I truly do. I freaked out because I thought I lost my passport but I came to find that the school has it because they had to convert it into a student visa. I’m so relieved. My heart would race thinking about the expenses my parents would have to use in order to fix my mistake but luckily…!

  The current poetry book that I am working on is called “A Barrier Meant To Be Broken.” As of today it has 18 parts. I try to post on there when I haven’t typed up something and I do have post written out for all of you but they’re on my flash drive which the school library is not wanting to read at the moment. I had to hop from computer to computer to find internet connection and go figure the one with internet connection doesn’t have a USB port that works. 

  Here’s the content of the current poetry book I’m writing. I will warn you that my previous work was written during a dark time so if you do adventure into my other poetry books please take that thought into consideration. Writing and band were my escape throughout junior high and high school. I’ve learned a lot from reading over my writing and I think that everyone should try it out. You can learn a lot about yourself but writing down your thoughts and evaluating it. 

A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

 

Introduction

A Fault

To My Sun

A Bittersweet Goodbye

Blinding Pride

Change of Heart

Sensual Distortion

Voice of Silence

Quatrain

Shattered Yet Alive

A Foundation, Barrier, or Both?

Prologue

Actions Speak

Battle Ready

Wavering

Pagmamahalan – Our Love

Cycled Cursed

Your Dedication   

  Please take the time to read these if you are interested. If not, I don’t mind. Poetry is not always someone’s taste in literate. Well, I’ve run out of time. At the moment my phone is messed up as I mentioned earlier so I’m sorry everyone! I’m alright and I’ll be taking more midterms this week.

Love you all,

Shinar/DJ/Cho

Follow Me on Wattpad

10.11.18

  Magandang araw sa inyo! (Filipino)
  Good day everyone!

  I have thirty minutes to pass so I thought I might update you all on how I'm doing. This month is midterms. The College of Teacher Education is responsible for paperwork so depending on the position of the teacher the schedule of the midterm for that class may or may not be set. Right now, I have not taken any exams.

  Stress has hit me real hard. Some of you may or may not know this but I'm an introvert who has anxiety and depression. Due to that, socially interacting with people makes me tired. I don't want people's attention but in order to learn the language here and convert into the culture I have to interact with people. Otherwise, I won't learn anything.

  Recently, I've been struggling. I haven't written anything, I haven't been reading, when I get home I go to sleep and wake up at midnight if not, later. I think I'm eating alright but that's only because I eat with other people who can't function without eating their breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks in between.

  A good thing is that I've made friends. I also have many acquaintances but I can safely say that I feel closer to my 'section' as people call it here, and I feel closer to this school in general. My skin is adjusting but I still need my medicines in order to clear up my skin. What people don't realize here is that the air pollution along with the humidity and the water that I take a bath with effect my skin. My diet also effects my skin but my diet here isn't that bad. Have I mentioned that I've lost 20 pounds since I've come to the Philippines? That's 10 kilos I think.

  Microsoft Office: In this country Microsoft Office, Excel, Word, and Powerpoint come with every laptop. Must be nice! I had someone install them for me and he even gave me Photoshop as well as a Video Editor. I'm thinking about starting short vlog videos and uploading them at computer shops (Internet cafes). That's if I get around to it.

  My Southern Accent: A lot of people ask me to use my southern accent but I haven't used it since April. When I talk to one of my friends on the phone he makes fun of me because I have to think about what I want to say in English even though I'm not fluent in either Filipino or Ilokano. I was thinking to take a video of me speaking in my normal accent but I have literally rewired my brain not to use it so it's very hard for me to switch. Although, when I sing my accent kicks in a lot of times so I was thinking to sing a song to help the people hear what my accent sounds like.

  Country music has never been a genre that I place in front of my representation list whenever I tell people what kind of music I listen to. Normally, I listen to it with family and a few friends but that's all. Occasionally I'll listen to it on my own. But now everyone wants to hear songs in that genre and I only know 2! In this country I sing because everyone likes to sing here, where they are good or bad. So the way I see it, the people here have heard worse from my singing. Most people like my singing. I haven't had an insults on it yet.

  The two country songs I know are "Take Me Home Country Roads by John Denver" which is more of a classic in my opinion and "I Love This Bar by Toby Keith". So, I guess I'll need to touch up on my country genre history because I can't sing "I Love This Bar" to all my audiences.

  My go-to song when I sing is "Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus." I've learned how to read the song "Ikaw by Yeng Constantino" which is a love song in Tagalog. I'm getting better at reading Filipino but I'm not able to explain what the words mean or understand what I'm saying.

  Recently, one of my friends was admitted into the hospital and was positive for dengue. He's out of the hospital now, thankfully. But it made me realize something. The night he was admitted, no one knew what was wrong with him but I was having my own issues. I haven't taken my anxiety pills since I landed in this country but I think I'm going to have to start again.

  It's hard to ask for help from people when everyone is stressed, when no one speaks your language fluently, and despite this being an emotional country, no one really knows how to deal with an emotional situation. Not that people in American know how to do this either but at least there, it's easier to ask a stranger for help than it is here. I needed someone and I didn't go to anyone because it was late. I broke down and almost gave up on myself.

  The next day, one of my friends was announced to have committed suicide (if this subject makes you uncomfortable stop reading because from here on I'm going to be serious). It shook me to know that the night before, had I gave it, it would have been me and him. I couldn't stop thinking "It should have been me." But the fact was, it wasn't.

  Then I found out about my friend who was admitted into the hospital and that he was positive for dengue. Dengue can be fatal if not treated properly and right away. Luckily, he was admitted in time to be saved. I didn't tell him why I continued to be there for him. He complemented me and said, "You're like a mother. Always watching out for our class." and I smiled at that.

  My anxiety pills are in San Emilio at the moment and I don't have enough money to go home. I have enough to go once but I will be going next week instead of this week because my grandmother's birthday is next week. I wish I could visit every weekend but the truth is, ,me and my cousin do not have enough money to do so. It's literally too expensive.

  I'm bringing this up to you all because I want you all to know how much the messages through messenger mean to me. I like it when people tag me in funny things or tag me in general on facebook. It gives me something to look at. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with someone here to share my actual feelings about the subject of suicide but I know I've written about it. I wrote it to my teachers and I don't know some of them have read it because it changed how they approached me but it the change wasn't bad. Well, I've run out of time.

  Y'all me a lot to me. Everyone who takes their time to read these and not say anything make me happy because you've taken your time to read over what I have had to say. Message me sometime. Tag me in funny things. I usually get on facebook to laugh but I also have to use my facebook for communication. I have other poems up also in my wattpad which I'll be posting a list later on when I have more time.

Thanks for listening y'all

DJ/Cho/Shinar