September 29th 2020: On the Road to Recovery Part I

 Hello everyone, 

I know that I haven't been posting and I don't know if I'll continue to do this but I do believe it is time to update everyone on my whereabouts. I also think this would help me in get through the situation that I'm in. I may not do videos but I am thinking of doing a podcast sort of blog. I'm not sure yet.

Let's get down to it then. On September 8th, I got a concussion due to the lack of awareness of others. It was a simple mistake but one that cost me. Yes, the company may be paying for all the doctor's appointments but in reality I'm the one taking all of the heat from it.

Now that it's been some time, I can laugh about it but at the same time... It's so frustrating to think about it. Something so simple... took me out. I am currently speaking to the phone and having it type for me because I'm having issues typing at the same speed as I would normally on September 7th.

So what happened? Well, I was taking down a soda bib from the shelf that was above my head. I'm only 4' 10 1/2". The bib was on the part of the shelf that was 5 ft tall on the biv itself was a 5 gal bib. On top of that babe, was a hammer. Now, when you look at the video, because they made me watch it, you see the hammer. And oddly enough most of my coworkers aren't over 5'5". So, they hadn't seen it as they walked by it. In the video, you see me reach for the box and as I'm sliding it down the hammer comes down on my head on the left side and falls to the floor. After you see it hit the floor, you see me lean into the box and stand there for a second.

What the video doesn't show you, is how I felt. When the hammer came down on my head, I was thankful that it was the flat side. At first, I was like... I'll shake it off I'll be okay. So you see me take the bib to my boss. Then you see me go to the register. Thirty minutes later, I'm making stupid mistakes on this register. And suddenly, the right side of my head throbs. I tell my coworker, that I'm not okay. That I'll go fill out the incident report. She says okay I got it up here.

What I wasn't expecting, was when I started to fill out the incident report that I would have so much trouble. by the middle of it I had to ask my boss to fill out the rest. Due to the fact that I kept messing up. I told her that I needed to go to the doctor and she said okay go ahead. But I insisted that hey, I can do another task before then. She kept telling me that she would do it and I told her why can't I? I'm leaving anyway. And so she finally agreed and said okay. As I was leaving she was like... Are you sure you can drive yourself? And I told her, "Yeah." 

Now, the company told me I had to go to a certain clinic due to me using their workers' compensation. Or workers' comp for short. I ended up calling a friend when I got to the bank to deposit the money. Then, I went to the hospital with them on the phone. I texted my family that something had happened and all of them were upset that I was driving. They said it was dangerous. I told them that I was fine but because I told them what happened they they were freaking out. And honestly I'm glad they did. All I wanted to do was take a nap.

I'm really thankful to the friend that answered my call. I know that other friends of mine would have done it. But I also know that everyone has their own lives to attend to. So I'm glad that they took the time to listen to me when I needed them. (Thank you, Lucas). 

So I get to the clinic. And, I hang up the phone with my friend. I go in, and find out that I've gone to the wrong location. At this point, I'm more tired and it's harder for me to focus. The longer I have to drive the hard drives is to understand what's going on with myself. All I know, is that I have a headache and that my focus is lacking. getting back into the car, I call my friend again and tell him that I went to the wrong one lol. He stays on the phone with me once more and I get to the correct clinic. I walk in and explain the situation. I tell this receptionist that I'll go to the bathroom real quick. She asked if I'm all right. And I tell her that I am.

After I go to the bathroom, I think about what she said. I wonder, why didn't they she think I only needed to go to the restroom? Why is my family freaking out as much as they are? Why does my head hurt this badly? 

Finally, it's my turn to be seen and this male doctor comes in and asked me what happened. He runs a couple of tests, tells me I have a concussion. Then tells me that I need to get a CT scan over at a different building. He also asked me if I'm going to drive myself. I told him that it was difficult driving over here so I asked my family to come get me. I don't fully remember all the details. Currently, my short-term memory is the worst but my long-term memory seems to be improving.

Thankfully, the CT scan came out negative. However, due to the fact that it came out negative, the doctors took my condition lately. They said, "Here are some restrictions you'll be fine." 

After I tell my family what happened, my family jumps in and tells me to not go in tomorrow. They tell me that due to my condition, I need to rest, I need to take it easy, and I need to be with someone with all times. 

It's hard to talk about. I don't like sharing what happened in the past. But it is a huge factor in the fact of why I haven't recovered as quickly as someone would. A normal person, would heal faster than I am. However, I had a surgery done on my head when I was little. If you want to know more about that, you can message me personally and I will tell you. As of right now though, I don't feel comfortable telling everyone. I have posted it in the depths of my Wattpad so if you do want to look for it or if you want a link to it, I can send you to it. Message me for it.

I didn't think this would be so difficult. Letting the phone tell everyone how I feel. However, it seems that all this weight is there. And it's also hard to look at my phone and watch the words come up because apparently, reading is difficult.

There are so many regular actions that I would normally do that are hindered due to this concussion. And due to the lack of urgency, and the type of doctors that I had, I am still suffering from this concussion. No, I don't want to blame them for what's happened to me. However, due to the lack of urgency it seems that I've had to push myself farther than I've I was capable.

Since the doctors saw my CT scan and saw that it was fine, I was fine. I told them that I didn't feel fine and their response was to take it easy. Now, if you've met me and maybe you can see it through my post or through my videos, You know that I'm not a person to sit down "take it easy". So this past month has been difficult for me.

What do you mean I have to walk slower? What do you mean it makes me feel dizzy to watch a TV show? What do you mean I can't read? I can't enjoy laying there and looking at words? No, because the words get blurry. The words move. I lose my place. Why is reading so difficult?

On the 9th, I go to see another doctor. She's the one that I thought was nice at first. But, after seeing the restrictions she gave me and after going through the days that I had worked. I felt like she wasn't taking me seriously. At first, my family kept telling me don't go into work. But knowing myself, I know that I'll try to do what I can if I can. What I didn't anticipate, was feeling as if I was a different person. And I've had to tell people that. "I'm not the same person as I was on Monday." 

My coworkers got it on the spot. However, my boss who is similar to me and won't sit down, thought I was overreacting. And I told her, You know that I don't sit down. You know that I would cover you if I could. so believe me when I say I'm having trouble. That I can't do something. Understand that this hurts me to say that I cannot do something. 

The restrictions I got from the lady doctor, was no lifting anything heavier than 15 lbs and no bending. I don't quite remember the first day but I do know that the 6th hour hit and I started shaking. My family was upset with me because I tried to go to work and they told me that I would only make my symptoms worse. I stubborn as I am, like my father, I went to work anyway again. However, the same result happened, I had to sit down and it was hard to do certain duties.

On the 14th, I went to the doctor again. This time, the lady doctor didn't listen to me. She looked at me, told me that I have anxiety issues. That it's all probably in my head. And that I'm fine. The first thing that I told her when I walked in was, "I feel worse." 

What does she do in response? She likes my restrictions. Tells me that I'm okay. And due to the fact that she lightened my restrictions, the company took her side and said that I was fine. And I told them, that I'm not okay. Their response? The doctor says you're fine. So you're fine.

Due to this, The company schedules me for 8 hours. I tell my boss that I know that I'm not going to be okay. She tells me, it's out of her control, because she's not doing my schedule they higher ups are. And it's frustrating. I know that she understands that I'm not okay but I also know that the higher-ups turn to paper. And because the paper says, I'm fully functional, then I'm fully fractional.

As I expected, I get to that 5th hour and I feel awful. So I call the doctor, and I ask her... Is there anything that you can do? Is there any way that you can limit my hours because the company says only you, can restrict my hours. So what she say? No. I'm not allowed to do that. But I can give you 5-minute breaks per hour. 

Happy to hear something from her, I tell her thank you. However, when I look at the restriction sheet that she sends me, right above where she wrote that I need a 5-minute break per hour there is a section that says "limited amount of hours of work per day". And I'm furious.

In fact, I'm so frustrated and angry that I tell the people around me how I feel. And I throw myself into a loop. I'm feeling so much emotion that I'm putting too much into my thinking that I make my headache worse. I get tired because I'm so full of emotion. Which doesn't help my frustration.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated. And I have been since the incident. I've only heard about bad doctor experiences. I've had a few. None, compared to this. I'm not one of those people that leaves zero star reviews at restaurants or leaves hate comments due to bad service of some sort. However, if I do get treated poorly in a restaurant or at a place I don't go back. And I know that if I'm ever assigned to this person again, I will tell them that personally I would rather see someone else. 

What I want to do is tell the full story but I also know what the way that I blog that that I will limit each post. There's much more to tell y'all. As of right now, I'm working on recovering. If you want to hear more about my experience, tune in tomorrow. 

Thank you for taking the time to listen. In this post there is a way, to connect this with culture I haven't even thought of how I would be treated in the Philippines. But I guess I have time to think about that. Again, thank you for reading and as I said, if you want to hear more tune in tomorrow. You may also message me on my social media or you can email me. I wouldn't mind telling you myself. However, it may be easier to read it all when I post it all. Due to the fact that speaking of this post has actually taken a lot of wind out of me. 

Till next time, Nar/Cho/DJ 

P.S: If some of you are willing to read through some of my Wattpad content and leave comments on mistakes you see or how you felt about it that would give me something to do in the future. No, reading isn't easy but when I am able to read again, I'll have those comments to see. And I'll be able to work on my Wattpad again. Please, thank you. If you don't that's all right. Reading this is enough for me. Your wreaths don't go unnoticed. Thank you for being here for me.