Week 25: A General Idea of What's On My Mind

10.1.18:

 I want to start with... Today someone in my life was lost to what sounds to be suicide. I don't have verification yet but I do know that yesterday, I felt that I wanted to quit. I didn't. Despite the lack of resources I had. I tried to write my last letter. I ended up being to tired to follow through.

  Jordan, 

  I wish it was me. I don't know what caused you to give up. But I was there yesterday and now I realize that your departure was what I felt. You called out to me, yet I didn't understand who was trying to talk to me. I didn't know that you felt the way I felt. I don't have regrets. But I do know that you mean a lot to the people around me and I never thought negative of you. You're in a better place now. But had I only listened, you could have been lived another day. 

  No, I don't blame Jordan's death of myself. But I do understand suicidal thoughts on a personal level. When it comes down to it, people who feel that way don't want to reach out. They feel that they are a burden on others. They don't know how to speak their mind. Suicide has a different language that those who experience a personal bond with it can only understand. 

  We know we should reach out. But we can't say the words literally. We don't know how people will react. They might send us to an asylum. Whereas, some people see this as 'getting help', others see this as being placed in a jail for the mentally insane. 

  Whatever was on Jordan's mind. I wish he would have said it. No matter how far my classmates from school go, I still care about all of you and I want you all to know that. What I remember about Jordan was his smile. There was a light in his eyes and he always seemed to be having a good time. 

  But now I know that there was something deeper. Something that... Had I taken the time to think about it, I would have saw it. No one deserves to think that they can't make it anymore. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to please reach out to me. I care about you. Even if we have never spent any time together. I want you all to know that I'm here. I may be 13 hours ahead of those who are at home but that comes to an advantage. I'm awake when others are not and I'm here. I always will be.

  As I said, I almost gave up yesterday. And it pains me to know that it could have been both of us. I can't save him now. But I can save the next person. He was a good guy. We were never personally close. But he was close to my friends and that's enough to make him close to me. 

  Rest easy, J. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. 

-

The following is a rough draft of my thoughts on 9.22.18. Let me know your thoughts on the junk that was on my mind. 

-

9.22.18

  The longer I stay in this country the more I realize how poor it is. Where I come from, there has been trial and error. There has been advancement. In my homeland I am luckier than I realize. Here, there are perks but they come with a cost.

  My dream was originally to fix the US education system. But I see now that I need to do more than that. I was brought to this country to make a difference. I know that I'll need a lot of help in order to get my dream's achievement where it need to be.

  Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How?

  Who will I be affecting?

  I'll need to start with the US education system. While I'm doing that I can reach out to the Philippine's education system.

Who am I focusing on?

  Since I'm getting a General Education degree I will begin with elementary students and Filipino adults who want to learn a language. Either English, Filipino, or Ilokano. (US)

  (PI) The college is truly where I want to focus my efforts. If I get everything secured then I can bring people into my cause and that will help spread my views over the years and all over the Philippines.

  I want to start small goals to help the elementaries as well. The ones I have to interact with or the ones that are close to my family. The names Gallardo and Compal will be engraved in anything I do.

What am I trying to do in general?

  Educate people who are willing to be educated. I want to reach out to people who cannot afford education. I want to tutor people who are willing to learn no matter what age. (US)

  Bring people into my cause so that I can spread the effort of what I would like to change in the Philippines through other people. (PI)

Examples:

  People who have missed their opportunity in getting a High School Diploma need to get a GED 'General Education Diploma?' I want to help those people.

  Children who have teachers who do not understand them need help as well. I want to work with parents to see that their child needs a one on one tutor instead of a classroom setting.

  People who were not given the opportunity to learn the language of the Philippines (Filipinos specifically). (US)

Generally, the Philippines is poor. I want to help bring money into the Philippines as well as have money be taken out.

Mother Nature is very strong in this country. I want to help figure out how to help in times of crisis.

I want to start a recycling company here as well. It would help with the trash. (PI)

When do I plan to have this done?

  In truth I don't know. This will take a long time whether it is in the Philippines or not. I need to seek organizations that already exist that deal with recycling and multicultural awareness.

  When I finish college here in the Philippines I will begin my quest in the US

  The project that I am setting in the Philippines will take a lot of time. They do things very old fashion here so I can only work in the old fashion manner. Not everyone likes change. But those who are willing to change are who I will work with.

  Where am I going to start?

  In San Angelo, Texas. My hometown. Between the time that I'm in college and the time that I go home (June and July) I will work with my city. My family is involved in an organization so I have the resources to reach out.

  Once I graduate I will begin in Georgia. I want to be with my friends for a month. I want to reach out to that state since they are there. Eventually, I want to visit all my friends across the states. I have a goal to visit all 50.

  If things go right I'll also have a way to begin in Virginia. (US)

My plan will have to start in Vigan City. There is more money there. Then, I will reach out to Paltoc and slowly work between the two points until they meet. I'll hire my family and have them work for me.

  I will work with the people who were willing to work with me here. My classmates, my college peers, the teachers- anyone who was willing to look at me and not think negative of me. I want to help them.

Why?

  People should not be forced to not have an education. It should be a choice. If someone simply does not want to have an education that is fine. That is their choice. But a person should be given the oppertunity to be educated. Not everyone understands what opportunities they have in life.

  As long as a person is willing to learn then they should have that opportunity. Educating the next generation will leave a legacy that may bring more dangerous problems but it will solve others as well. (US)

  The Philippines is a home that I never had. Now that I'm an adult I want to make it a better place. And not a place that gives out younger woman because they need a citizenship. There has to be another way. I want to bring people over through different means.

  There's a lot of potential in the Philippines. All around the world Filipinos make their mark. It's my turn. (PI)

How

  I will have to begin at my schools. Lake View High School and Lincoln Middle School. Later I can reach out to Howard Community College and Angelo State University. I need to get to know my elementary. It seems like a new place to me but it was still my elementary and I need to give back to it.

  The Asian American Association of Women is growing. I want to assist in its growth. I am supposed to be a member.

  I'll look up any organization that is based in San Angelo and reach out to them first. (US)

  Vigan City is where I will be for most of my school time here. I will begin in Vigan. I'll invest into the college and make it a better place. Hopefully. But I will also do small improvements of my own. Personal goals like helping the family out. There needs to be money that comes into the Philippines but they also need someone who will come back and not for vacation purposes. None of the money that comes into the Philippines that I see is being used to bring in revenue and I want to make a difference in that.

-

  If anyone every needs someone to talk to, please reach out to me. You can reach me on my Facebook, Instagram, If you know me in person in the Philippines please ask me for my number, I have an email, you can also reach out to me through this blog. You can also reach out to my Wattpad

  However you may reach me. Please try, I am always willing to listen. Till next time, DJ/Cho/Shinar

Instagram

Ask Questions Here

Week 24: I'm Alive Everyone

List of things: 

• Planning on posting the group project in my Filipino class. It's a blog! So I'm excited to show you guys. 
• I will try to update everyone either via Facebook, this blog, Instagram, or Wattpad
• Facebook (Not giving this out, sorry those of you who do not have it already). If you know me in person, all you have to do is ask for it! 
• Subscribe to Forward-Flight (Get emails when I update!) 
• Find the subscribe button on the right column
• Follow me on Google+
• I recommend this more for people who use their google account!
• Instagram 
• Follow me and let me know so I can follow you back!
• Wattpad
• Currently Working on: A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

  September 25th, 2018: Alan's Birthday! Happy Birthday you! I hope you have a good birthday. I'd send you a present but you're in a different country and I don't have money XD. So. Best wishes can fly for miles I suppose. 

  Let me begin with, if you do not have me on Wattpad you should follow me and I'll follow you. I would love to read what all you Filipinos have on your Wattpad! Now, I warn you... My Wattpad is MAINLY from a darker time in my life so I don't recommend reading my older works JUST yet... 

Follow me! (Let me know so I can follow you back!)

A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

  This is a poetry book. I haven't written poems in a while but I want to start again. Eventually, I want to be able to write poetry in Ilokano and Filipino. Itneg will be the last language I learn here. Keep up with this to see my progression. The following content so far

1. Introduction
2. A Fault
3. To My Sun
4. A Bittersweet Goodbye
5. Blinding Pride
6. Change of Heart
7. Sensual Distortion

  Writing: I wrote my first thoughts on paper September of 2006. I started writing on Wattpad in 2010. Originally, I used writing to express myself. I didn't know how to express myself with speech so I wrote what I was thinking and the words seem to flow together. At first, this was difficult for me. It was hard to have proof of my emotions anywhere, even if it was on physical paper. 

  I began writing because I needed to understand what was going on in my head. To this day, I still don't know. If you ever talk to me you know that I can go from one subject to the other. It's hard for me to keep focus on one subject. Most of the time my friends wonder how we get to where we are in conversations. I do that with people in the Philippines also. Although, I wish I could do it in Filipino or Ilokano. 

  

  This country has me writing a lot more. Not typing. I mean, physically hand writing my essays! I hand write anything that I turn in unless it's a powerpoint. In 2006 I started my first journal. The last time I remember writing in a journal consistently was probably somewhere between my Sophomore year and Junior year of High School. (Grade 10 and 11). 

  Last July I finished my first journal in a long time. I bought the journal years ago and I have held onto it since. Journals here are less than twenty five cents when you look in the right places but I'm planing on bringing my mass of extra journals to the Philippines because they're blank and have been collecting dusk for so many years. 

  Buying journals that are cheap is a bad habit of mine. Yes, I only spend $5 for 5 journals but if I do that and don't finish any of them in. Then I have a problem lol. An issue I have is I will have a 'Rough Draft' journal and have many journals that break down the 'rough draft' journal. 

  Right now I have that divided into Languages and Stories. I try my best not to fix everything from my rough draft journal when I'm transferring the content because I'll make more of a mess but I usually don't listen to myself. 

  Today: Sinus Infection has me in so much pain but I went out to a Computer Shop today. (Internet Cafe). I'm not dying of cough like I had been and I think because it's cool in here and I'm not doing too much activity I'm not hurting. I came to the Computer Shop because I needed to start the blog that my group is going to turn in for Filipino. 

  An Issue: It's hard to blog about things when you know people are listening to you. They read what you have to say because they want to know how you're doing and it's documented. A lot of times things like this can be turned against a person. But I want to express an issue I'm having anyways. I want everyone to know that I want to express my experience. I'll even put it in story form. 

The Foreign Student

  Charlie held his breath. He had been working on his English skills for the past two months but it still wasn't enough. Moving to the States had it's props but he missed home. Sitting down in his English class, the teacher threw a power point up in Old English. 

  "Charlie. Read what the slide says." She said in her fast Indiana accent. His father had moved them from their home in Visayas, Philippines to Kentucky, United States. The past two months had been hard to adjust to. Mainly because his father stopped speaking Filipino and Visayan to him the moment he entered the United States. 

  "You're an American now, son. You speak the language of the Americans." He said, his mixed Filipino/Kentucky accent had Charlie listening extra careful since he wasn't exactly the best in his English class. How could he? His teachers weren't English majors back in the Philippines. Many of them wrote the examples on the board and wrote the answers without explaining what the example meant. 

  Charlie shuffled uncomfortably. His friends and peers watched as he stood up to read the slide. 

  "Charlie. You don't have to stand. I told you that already. Why don't you listen?" The teacher asked, slightly irritated. 

  Charlie blushed as he began to sit down. 

  "Well, it's too late, son. You already stood. Just do what I asked you. Hurry. We don't have all day. The whole slide by the way. Don't skip anything." She said, tapping her finger on her desk. "Also, say everything properly." 

  William Shakespeare... Charlie stared at the projection on the board. ""All d world's a stage-" He began. 

  "All the world's." The teacher said impatiently. "You've been here two months. How can you not speak English well already?" 

  Charlie blushed. "I'm sorry mam." 

  "Muh-ah-m." The teacher rolled her eyes. Murmurs could be heard from his peers.

  Charlie inhaled. "I am sorry, Miss." He said. Then continued, "and all te men." 

  "Heavens Charlie, I said the." The teacher rolled her eyes. "Should I make you write an essay over how to pronounce words properly?" 

  Charlie gulped. "No, Miss." He said as he tried to continue. "-and..." 

  Charlie stared. What sound did that letter make again? Charlie bit his lip. There was no 'W' in the Filipino alphabet. 

  Impatiently the teacher spoke, "Women, Charlie. The word is women." 

  Charlie nodded. "-women...." He said, glancing at her to see if she would react. When she didn't he went on. Or he tried. 

  "meh-reh-ly." Charlie said as the teacher stood. 

  "Lisa, read the rest of the quote for Charlie. He can't seem to do it himself." She said with her arms crossed. 

  "As for you, Charlie. I want a one thousand word essay on why you can't seem to adjust to our culture here. You're in America, son. That means you have to speak English." 

  She said and watched as he nodded slow. "And you have to speak proper English." She added as he sat. 

"All the world‘s a stage, " Lisa said as she stood. 

  "Lisa, what are you doing?" The teacher demanded. 

  "Miss. Love." Lisa said with a smile. "I think that the other students hear me better if I stand up." She replied, then turned back to the board. This made the teacher roll her eyes. 

"Do as you will. Just hurry up. We don't have all day." She retorted. 

  Nodding, Lisa smiled at Charlie and continued. "and all the men and women merely players." She paused. "They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts." She finished. 

  For the rest of the class, Charlie said nothing. Once the class was dismissed, the teacher called him to her desk. "You need to learn English, Charlie. Otherwise, you're going to fail my class." She said flatly. 

  "Yes, Ma-Miss." Charlie said, with a nod. 

  "Tomorrow. I want the essay tomorrow, you hear?" She said, her eyes on him. 

  "Tomorrow." He said. "Yes, Miss." He and stood awkwardly as she stared at him. 

  "Charlie." She sighed. "You don't have to wait for me to tell you to leave, in order to leave." 

  "Sorry, Miss." He said, his face flushed as he slowly exited. 

  Outside of the classroom, the whole class of thirty stood and waited for him. They smiled warmly as he stepped out of the classroom. Charlie blushed, "Uh-?"He stated as he shut the door behind him. 

  "Charlie, we want to help you but a lot of speak to fast for you..." Lisa said as she approached him. "Which one of us is the easiest to understand?" She asked. 

  Charlie blushed. "I-I um..." He blushed. "It's hard." He said as he looked at the hall to his next class. Only two of the students from the previous class had him in the next. American High School was too different for his taste. 

  Peter and Hailey approached Charlie with smiles on their face. Peter knudged Charlies arm, "Ay, bud. Dun't werry 'bout dat teacher." He said, his thick Texas accent kicked in. He has a very deep voice. Charlie nodded as if he understand half of what Peter had said. 

  Hailey laughed, she was from South Carolina. "If you speak to him like that, he'll never learn Shakespeare, Pete." She said slowly, "Let's go to class?" She asked, with a smile. 

  The next class was math. Charlie didn't need to know how to read in Math class. As long as he saw the equation he was fine. As the trio departed, Charlie thought hard to thread his words together. 

  "My-uh." He said, as both Peter and Hailey looked at him. "My person helping me." 

  "Ur tuter!" Peter said with a grin. 

  Charlie wish he would stop doing that. It was hard to get mad at Peter. He wasn't trying to make it harder for him to learn English but Peter's slurring along with his deep voice didn't do Charlie any justice. 

  "Tutor." Hailey laughed as if she were to read Charlie's eyes. 

  "Yes." He said in Visiyan then stopped. "I mean...." He pause. "Yes." He paused. "I'm learning the sounds that the English letters make..." He frowned. "So many..." He said, opening a picture on his phone to show the two his notes from the tutoring session.

  "The phonetic alphabet." Hailey read and nodded. "Yea, it's hard to understand when you haven't been taught the way we have." She said with a smirk.

  "Ma'am Love knows that I started my tutorial this month..." Charlie said, holding back tears. He wouldn't cry. Not in front of his classmates, neither of them seem to flinch when he switched into his thick Filipino accent.

  "I don't understand why she hates me..." Charlie sighed. "What did I do?"

  Hailey shook her head. "She doesn't hate you..." She said with a smirk. "She just don't understand you that's all."

  "Bud, people here in 'merica don't know how to be considerate sometimes." Peter shrugged. "I'm sure me and Haily can help you with that essay."

  Charlie nodded. At least some people understood. 

  -

My Point: Going from the Philippines to the US is not the same as going from the US to the Philippines. I was trying to explain how I felt through a story and I hope those of you who are tuning in understand what I'm trying to say.

  It's almost 7pm and my dorm shuts its door at 8pm so I'll need to be leaving soon. I want to thank everyone who is messaging me and tagging me in things. I want you all to know that Facebook Messenger is my means of communication here in the Philippines. I have TOO many group chats and TOO many personal messages that I have to keep up with so... I am sorry if I don't see your message right away or the thing you tagged me in.

  I will do my best to answer all the messages that are sent to me and comment on all the stuff I'm tagged in but the truth is, I get lost on my messenger. Half of the messages aren't in English (I can't read it anyways) so I try to skip over those but then there's that small portion in the group chat that's in English and I've suddenly missed an announcement.

  Wish me luck guys. I think I'll get rid of this sickness soon. I can function needless to say. I'll try to update you guys again soon. Thanks for listen. I miss everyone back home and for those of you Filipinos who mananged to read through all of this. Good job!

Comment on here, Message me on Facebook, Either way

I'll update y'all soon

Shinar/DJ/Cho 

Wattpad - A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

Book: A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

https://www.wattpad.com/user/Lusterdragon72

Introduction

https://www.wattpad.com/632400816-a-barrier-meant-to-be-broken-introduction

Poem: A Fault

https://www.wattpad.com/632405482-a-barrier-meant-to-be-broken-a-fault

Wattpad - BMTBB - Porm - A Fault

I just published "A Fault" of my story "A Barrier Meant To Be Broken". https://my.w.tt/j2nuUDN5hQ

Wattpad Journal - A Barrier Meant To Be Broken

I just published "Introduction" of my story "A Barrier Meant To Be Broken". https://my.w.tt/l1dCATy4hQ