Part III
In this country it
is very hard to work and go to school. Something I also noticed was that people
judge a lot here. Why? In America people judge all the time. But we’re taught
that it doesn’t matter what they think. It matters if you’re happy. Here, what
other people think controls what you
do. And I learned when I was junior high (Grade 6 to 8) that living that way is
stressful so I stopped caring about other peoples’ opinions and it gave me
control over my life. I was able to determine my own happiness.
Now I’ve gone off on
a tangent. Sorry everyone. To answer another question… I don’t know who will be
the one to take care of my Inang after my Uncle Krilo but the other purpose of
the position is ‘who will take care of the family house’?
The concept of a
family house is really neat. In America, the family house is my Auntie Loca’s
house. Everyone goes there to stay. I think the house before hers was my
parents’ house when we lived on Grape Creek Road. One day, I hope to buy that
area again. I have dreams about it. I don’t know why. But because of the
dreams, it makes me want to buy the land.
Overall, I want
everyone to know that despite all my complaining today I’ve learned a lot since
I’ve come to this country. However, I, myself, cannot act fully like them. I
wish that I could but some things that they do I’ve trained myself not to do
because it sets off my anxiety or my depression or it is flat out too
stressful.
Many people here
look up to me because of my individualistic nature. I had to learn how to live
with minimal guidance. Luckily my moral compass points in a just direction so I
haven’t turned out to be on the bad side of the human population. I try to
guide the people who ask me for guidance. But I also have to take in the
cultural differences. I usually tell the person, “The American response would
be…” vs “the Filipino response would be…”
It’s hard for me to
care about what strangers think of me. I care about what people think only when
they are interactive in my life. And even when they state their opinion, I
don’t live by it. I tell them that I respect their opinions but I’m going to do
what I feel is right.
People here care
about what others think so much, it makes me wonder how they deal with the
stress of letting others control their life. I stopped letting the person who
were controlling my life have that authority by the age fourteen. I was so
worried about what they thought, what they wanted, and how they wanted me to
live that I was not happy with myself.
Here, as long as the
family is happy then everyone’s happy. And that’s not true. But I can’t change
the people here. I don’t want to. I try to understand why they live the way
they live and right now the main goal that I have is to learn the languages.
When I’m writing like this I can think in perfect English. However, my spelling
does go on an adventure because of the way I have to think on a daily basest.
In person, my
English has changed to try and adapt to the people here. I try to make myself
understandable but not everyone does that for the people around them. I want to
thank you guys for listening. I’ve said a lot today. I’m going to be posting
this in three parts to try and spread out my notifications. I don’t like making
people read too much when they’re trying to ‘checkup on me’ so if you’ve made
it to the third post, congratulations.
I know that many
people read these because I see the amount of ‘reads’ on my blog and it makes
me happy. Thank you all for caring about me. All of you want to see me succeed
on my journey and I’m going to try my best. Even though I’m stressed, I know
that I can push through it because of the amount of support I get from back
home.
I haven’t been
posting pictures and I’m sorry about that. I’m going to do my best to keep you
all updated and the reason why I’ve split this into three parts is because I
need to post consistently. I’ve started to write on my laptop and I will
transfer the post to my blog after I transfer it to my flash drive. Once I’ve
done that, whenever I’m at a computer shop(Internet Café), I try to schedule
post.
As of right now, I
have 5 post waiting to be scheduled. I also want to post my essays because I
think they’re important enough for you all to read. Everything that I write
about is a rough draft to the question ‘how am I going to improve the education
system’ and I feel that all of you should read over them. I’d like to hear
suggestion or remarks. Anything from y’all.
I do know that many
of you want me to do vlogs. And if I do eventually get around to it. I will
keep them at a 5 to 10 minute average because it will allow me to post more.
Although, it is difficult to post video because of how long it takes to upload
these things. I can make videos and they’ll sit there. When I finally get
around to them they take an hour if not longer to upload and it’s dreadful to
sit there and wait for the file to upload.
People have asked me
if I have a youtube and I do. But I don’t use it. I think what I should do is
have a topic for 5 minutes and tell y’all about it as much as I can. I don’t
know how that’ll work but I do want to try. I’ve had to touch back up on my
Wattpad so for those of you who have a Wattpad please follow me and I’ll follow
you back as long as you tell me that you’ve followed me.
Continue to tag me
and message me. Please, if I don’t answer after a week, message me again
because I have to use my messenger every day and many messages go unseen if I’m
talking to more than one group or more than one person. I receive at least 20
different threads a day. 20. So just remember, I’m not ignoring you, I’m
flooded with messages. Message me again to push your notification to the top.
Tag me in anything funny, anything interesting. I don’t care what it is.
I miss everyone.
I’ll be home between semesters for sure. I love you guys. Thank you for
listening. This is part 3 of 3. If you want to read Part 1 (here is the link)
and if you want to read Part 2 (Here is the link).
DJ/CHO/NAR
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