Hello All!
Thank you stopping
in to read about my week! To begin, I want to start with Happy Mother’s Day to
all mothers around the world! Whether you have a child of a furbaby I wish you
a happy mother’s day!
To begin, I’ll share
a little about my mom. My mother’s hometown is Paltoc, San Emilio, Ilocos Sur.
She can speak Itneg (Kankanaey), Ilocano, Filipino/Tagalog, and English. She
had the ability to read Hebrew, Latin, and Greek.
My family on her
side is very old school. They derive from the indigenous tribe Kankanaey. Based
on my experience, my family on that side still keeps to the old traditions.
These traditions consist of dances, ceremonies, and generally how the family
functions.
For my mother’s
family, there are three main roles: The head of the family, the financial responsible
person of the whole family (as well
as their own), and the person in charge of the family house. In Filipino
culture in general, a family has the head of the family (the father or the
eldest son) and the financial holder (the mother) who is also in charge of the
house and maintaining it.
Generally speaking,
men are supposed to go out and get a job while women stay in the house and take
care of the house and children. It is their responsibility to teach the children
manners and proper etiquette.
On my mother’s side
of the family the head of the family has to be a male. As far as I know, the financial
person is female, and the person in charge of the family house is male. From
what I understand, the previous generation of people were my uncle (who is now
in Canada. He was one of the few siblings to get an education), my mother (who
is a certified preacher and was a early childhood teacher), and my other uncle
(the youngest sibling who went to school to be a mechanic. He also knows how to
fix almost anything.) The current head of the family is my cousin (because he
is also a certified pastor and will be graduating in political science), I am
next in line to be the financially responsible person, and my younger cousin
(the eldest son of the uncle who is in charge of the family house) will take
over the family house and taking care of Inang (our grandmother) when the time
comes.
Now, I know some
Filipinos will be reading this so I want to explain the ‘American’ way of how a
family functions. To begin, American is a nationality not a race which is why
the way a family function depends on cultural background (usually race) of a
family. When I was growing up, the head of the family was my father. But, he
didn’t usually have to use the position unless there was an argument in the
family and even though then, he might do something about it. My father had
faith in me and my sisters’ independence which was why he never usually stepped
into our personal lives. My mom was in charge of finances and my aunt (my dad’s
sister) was the owner of the house my family was living in.
During my high
school years I spent more time with friends’ families than my own. Most of my
friends were Mexican so I learned some Spanish from them. From what I observed
in most races the men go out to work while the women stay at home. There’s more
of ‘the boss of the family’ and ‘the caregiver’. Most cultures I’ve experienced
don’t give the financial responsibility to the women. Rather, the women make
the list of what to get and the men go get it.
In truth, when I
think about it… Out of the first then friends who pop up in my head ten of them
have both their birth parents. The six remaining friends their situation with
their parents isn’t clear to me but the remaining four have separated parents.
Four of those friends come from a multicultural background (Mexican + another
culture) and (white + another culture). Three of them are pure Mexican ant the
remaining are white.
To clear terms up, in
the United States we call ‘white’ people ‘white’ regardless if their lineage
traces back to England, Scotland, Ireland, etc. If your skin tone is white, we
call you white. Now, there are Mexican who are light skinned but those people
usually trace back their lineage to Spain and not the Aztecs.
Regardless of
culture background, it is up to the person to decide if they want to continue
traditions or not. Overall, in the states, we push that a person should do what’s
right for them, not for the whole family.
Nine of the friends
I thought of earlier have supportive parents (separated or not). Most Asian families
that I know of end up in the same situation I grew up in where most customs are
dropped and independence is the main focus of the parents. These parents
usually are workaholics and spend more time at work than at home.
Generally speaking,
there are theses biases/prejudice about family. Personally, I don’t see why a
family has to function only one way.
Old traditions die hard. I’m not saying that the older traditions should be
forgotten. Instead, the older traditions and modern customs should find a
middle ground. I strongly believe that different cultures can co-exist if they
truly want to.
My childhood is long
passed. I can’t access anything before age ten and my adolescence was harsh.
Living in the Philippines has helped me understand my mother better. I also
have to thank my boyfriend’s family. Their customs prepared me to adjust to the
blood family I have on my mom’s side.
Despite our
differences, I’ll always love my mother. I may not agree with certain habits
and life choices but all I can do is not do what I agree with. My mother has
never mentally left the Philippines (and what frustrates me is that it took my
boyfriend pointing it out to me for me to realize it). People ask me if I’m
bitter about it but I tell them that I’m not. During my adolescence I learned
through my band director that you can’t change what has already happened. You
can only change your attitude towards it and what you do with the information
from that point on.
That being said, I
love my mom. I can’t change who she is but I can make do with the time I have
with her. In truth, my parents seem closer when I’m eight thousand miles away
rather than living in the same city.
The only time I
spend time with my family is on Sundays for Sunday lunch/dinner. Or, it’s a
holiday and we all meet up for that. My family understand that we all have separate
lives so long as a family member participates in one family gathering, then the
family as a whole won’t be upset.
If you have any
questions about culture feel free to comment, message me, or get a hold of me
on any of my social media accounts. I’d be willing to answer any questions!
Again, happy mother’s day to all mothers and thank you for tuning in this week!
-DJ/Nar/Cho
(This week's Watt!)
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